Everybody is talking about it. Everywhere. There’s a lot of anxiety around us at the moment. ‘How am I going to cope with Christmas this year?’, ‘It’ll be so bad’, ‘I’m dreading the Holidays’, ‘It’ll be so strange this year’, ‘I always do ‘this’ or ‘that’ over Christmas’ and the comments go on and on.
There’s a lot of uncertainty right now. The rules and guidelines are constantly changing and it’s difficult to make plans or have a clear view of what’s to come and what we are going to do, and how we are going to feel.
But there are things we can do and change in ourselves, there are ways to think and focus that can be very helpful in these last weeks of the year. And hopefully, for other times too, ‘not only for Christmas’:
Stay present. Focus on today.
Anxiety comes when our mind goes to the future or to the past. Our thoughts travel far away from our actual reality, and the worries come flooding into our heads. We create stories and scenarios that haven’t happened yet – and might never happen.
Those thoughts then affect our emotions and we suffer. We ‘suffer in anticipation’.
Bring yourself to this moment, to this day, to this reality. It might not be comfortable or ideal right now, but that is the only thing that’s real. This is your actual life. Today. Now.
Let go of ‘I always do ‘this’ or ‘that’ every Christmas’. Accept the unknown.
We humans like predictability, we find comfort in routines and in ‘knowing’. We don’t really like uncertainties. Fact.
However, while going through a pandemic and so many social restrictions, we cause more suffering to ourselves by holding on to old ways we do things.
The more we attach ourselves to our ‘old ways’, the more upset we get for not being able to do things like we used to.
Try to change your mindset. Accept that the uncertainty is the only certainty right now.
Change the way you speak, and your mind and emotions will follow:
It’s not going to be ‘worse’ or ‘bad’ or ‘weird’. It’ll be ‘different’!
Notice that the way you speak about things, people or situations create images in your head and directly affect how you feel. Your thoughts and emotions are constantly affected by the way you speak.
So give it a go. Start changing your words. Notice how they then affect your feelings.
If you keep saying ‘This will be horrible’, that’s likely what will happen. Because your focus and attention are totally directed towards all the things that ‘are not quite right’ or ‘are bad, unpleasant, difficult’ or ‘are going to go wrong’.
Focus on the things you CAN do.
Bring your attention to all the things that you do have. Focus on your health, the people who matter to you, the things you are still able to do. Focus on the things that bring you joy, that make you smile, that lift your mood.
Our mind is incredibly powerful and it can take over. We need to step up and take charge. Decide what is more important: ‘Do I want to dwell on all the things that are missing in my life or do I choose to recognise and value all the things I do still have?’
It’s your life. It’s your choice.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Enough of that now. It’s ok to do that when we are children and teenagers, trying to find our place in the world. But, as adults, it’s time to accept and value yourself for the person you are. Stop the comparisons, they don’t help you.
And Social Media isn’t helping us either, is it?
Stop looking at all the things ‘everybody else is doing and you are not’. That’s not real. And that’s taking a lot of your energy and your time. And causing a lot of suffering to yourself.
The truth is – and you know that – people show an edited version of themselves. They don’t go on showing their pain and sadness and problems. So please stop comparing yourself - and your life – to others and their lives. You are wasting precious and valuable time.
‘Less is More’. Fewer social events and less drinking can actually be good for you.
I know, I know. It’s that time of the year when we – historically – can let our hair down and have lots of parties, right? Well, not this year.
So what about taking this as an opportunity to slow down? Maybe it’s time to look after yourself? No late nights out, less drinking, more rest, more time for yourself, all this could be really good for you.
You might even start the New Year feeling better and more energized.
Also, less ‘social pressure’ can be liberating. No pressure to see as many people as possible, go out a lot and attend every party in town.
Slow down, it’s been a tough year, your body and your mind really need a break.
In short, it’s all about expectations.
When you hold on to firm expectations, you are setting yourself for disappointments. Because, in reality, things are not always how we want them to be.
Don’t put all your energy and thoughts on ‘Christmas as this big event of the year’. If you do, you might miss all the great things that a cozy, smaller, more intimate Christmas can bring.
Focus on the people around you, close to you. Focus on the little things you enjoy. Focus on all the things you do have in your life.
You might be surprised to discover how much there is to be grateful for right now.